CHAPTER 6.1: Set childish things aside

When i was a child i thought as a child.

I spoke as a child and i reasoned as a child.

When i grew up i set childish things aside.

I never understood this quote, i mean i got the gist of it.  When you're a child you act like a child and when you grow up you don't.  Pretty simple right? 

But what i don't get is why kids are in such a rush to leave childish things behind, i mean why grow up faster than you have to?

I'd been pretty lucky so far in life.  First i had Howie who loved to play as much as i did.  When he left for boarding school i was lost.  My best friend vanished overnight, and playing by yourself is just no fun. 

But lucky old me I found my cousin Elizabeth and now she's by BFF.

We love all the same things.

But we especially love Diva Doll.  We could spend all day in my bedroom trying to copy her exact dance routines and styling our hair just like hers.  Sometimes we even perform our routines for my Mom and Jackson.

They love it!



It's not as though i forgot about Howie, i mean he's still my friend, at least i think he is. 
When he first left we would write each other all the time but lately his letters have been pretty thin on the ground.  I guess he's too grown up for me now.

The last time i saw him was at my Mom's wedding. 


Me and Liz were bridesmaids as well as Liz's sister Catherine, and Howie was best man for his Dad Jackson.
He looked so smart in his suit.
I figured he'd be happy that day, who doesn't love a wedding right?  But he just seemed kinda distant, like home was the last place on Earth he wanted to be.

I thought the wedding was super romantic.  Apparently loads of my relatives have gotten married in our garden as far back as my great, great, great Grandma.  I hope i can keep that tradition someday.  A long time from now, of course!


My Mom made a speech after the vows, thanking everyone for coming and saying how happy she was to have her family united, "Especially for Howie and Morgan, you've always been as close as brother and sister and now you are!"  She gushed.


I guess my family is a bit weird, i mean there's Noah who is my half brother and then there's Howie who since my Mom and his Dad got married is my step brother.  It never mattered to me that it wasn't official before, i always thought of him as my big bro.

He didn't really seem to care about it though, i tried talking to him i even called him bro' but he just stared at the ground and spent the rest of the night ignoring me.

I asked Liz what she thought was up with him but she just said that boys are strange.  She's right, i mean who knows what they're thinking? 
My Mom says all they think about is s-e-x but if i ever overhear Noah and his friends talking it's mostly sports and video games so that can't be true, can it?



Anyway whatever is bugging him i guess there's nothing i can do about it, especially since he's stopped writing to me.  I guess he's decided to leave his childhood and our friendship behind.
But I'm not about follow in his footsteps.  I'm gonna stay a kid for as long as possible.



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3 Years later....................

"So welcome to Bridgeport High, we have tons of after school programmes I'm sure you'll love."  Morgan enthused.  Since she entered senior year she'd relished being the official welcome wagon for the schools transfer students, it was a great way to meet new people and make friends.

Or not.


"Great."  The girl drawled sarcastically, "Don't you have anything fun going on round here?"  She asked whilst examining her fingernails and looking anywhere but at Morgan.


"Sure, the cineplex has a two for one night on a Wednesday and there's always concerts on at the stadium.  I just saw Diva Doll there last month."


The girl looked at Morgan and scoffed as though she had revealed that she was an alien from the planet Vulcan, "Diva Doll!  What are you like five years old?"  She sneered before turning on her heel and stalking away.

Morgan watched her leave and tried not to let the hurtful comments get to her, but it was tough.  In truth since she had turned 17 she found it harder and harder to find anyone who didn't look at her like she had two heads whenever she talked about the things she liked. 


It just wasn't cool to like the same things she had as a freshman anymore.

Even Liz had succumbed to being a teen, having snagged herself a boyfriend the month earlier.  Since then she and Raj had been inseparable, which left zero time for dance routines and girly sleepovers. 


Not that Morgan was jealous, she still wasn't ready for a boyfriend of her own, but Liz had been her last link to childhood and since she had given up the ghost it felt as though the sands of time were sinking fast on what remained of her youth.

Even Noah and Jayson were now fully fledged teenagers and loving every minute of it!  Sometimes it even felt as though Noah was the older not younger brother.  He had taken to High school like a fish to water, effortlessly fitting in. 


After his months worth of grounding for using Jackson's tools he had relented and applied a little more effort to his schooling giving him acceptable grades but his desire to smash, destroy and generally blow stuff up had not abated.

"Dude check out the new girl she is seriously fine!"  Travis declared, joining the rest of the gang in the school rec room.

Noah cursed his cousin silently, he had already noticed her and her hotness earlier, but had decided to play it cool.  Now he wished he hadn't, Travis had serious rep when it came to getting girls.

 Noah watched from the sidelines as Travis hit on her, and a smile played across his lips when he realised that she wasn't exactly thrilled by his attention.

It didn't seem to matter what line he tried, this girl was not biting.

He knew he should feel bad for his cousin, this had to be hitting his ego pretty hard, usually Trav didn't have to try for a girls attention.  But for some reason Noah couldn't keep the smile from his face.

There was just something about this girl, she seemed different.

Morgan glanced over at Shay, the new girl.  Typical of Noah and his goon head friends to spot her, no doubt Travis would start dating her and then they'd all have to put up with her looking down her nose at them.  Just what she needed another reminder that she was so far behind her peers. 

Travis and Noah were only fourteen but they already acted like they were older than her, dating and going to parties.  Morgan wished she could make them all see what they were missing out on by rushing into this stuff but she increasingly felt as if she was banging her head against a brick wall.

"Morgan, you got a minute?"  Liz asked nodding towards the bathroom door to signal that it was private.
"Sure!"  She agreed following her friend. 

Liz looked as though she had a secret to share which was practically bursting to be let out and Morgan stared at her intently before demanding, "Well, spill it!" 

"I've decided I'm gonna go all the way with Raj!"  She said, letting the words spill excitedly from her lips.

"What?"  Morgan gasped, staring at Liz agog.

"I was thinking of waiting until senior prom but i don't know Morgan it just feels like the right time."  She continued with her gushing, not noticing the look of shock and horror on Morgans face.

"But Liz you're talking about losing your virginity."  Morgan reminded her, "I thought you were gonna wait until you got married?"

"Well yeah, i was.  But that was before i met Raj.  Oh Morgan you don't understand what it's like to be in love."  Liz replied.

"But what about that Diva song, remember if you want respect you gotta save yourself baby."  Morgan began singing the lyrics.

"Morgan, that's just for kids."  Liz rolled her eyes, "Besides Diva isn't married, you don't seriously think she's a virgin do you?"

Morgan looked away, hurt and unsure how to respond.  Liz had never said that Diva Doll was for kids before, she had always loved her as much as Morgan, "I don't get it, how come you went to her concert with me last month if she's just for kids?"  Morgan pouted.

"Because, you're my best friend and i know how much you like her."  Liz replied, "But honestly Morgan don't you think it's time you grew up a little?  I mean i love you and all but i really thought you would be there for me on this.  I'm excited but I'm also kinda nervous about losing it, y'know?"

Morgan shook her head slightly, "Why would you want me to be there for you?  I'm just a baby right?"  She accused before walking out of the bathroom.  Liz called after her but Morgan could feel the tears welling up at her friends remark and the last thing she wanted was for everyone at school seeing her cry, especially since they already thought she was a baby.

She rushed along the hallway towards the library and her favourite after school activity, book club.

Morgan and Liz had both joined book club and drama club and girl scouts, yet Liz had all but given up the lot of them recently, devoting her time to Raj and their make out sessions.  Morgan would never admit it but she thought it was dumb how girls met a boy and then gave up everything they liked doing just to do stupid stuff that boys like.  Liz would never miss one of Raj's swim meets and that was just watching boys splashing about in a pool.

She walked into the library to find the book club had already begun its session without her and the other members were in the midst of discussion.

Morgan grabbed a seat next to her cousin Catherine, Liz's younger sister and tried to tune into what Declan Coleman was saying.

"Heathcliff and Cathy aren't in love, they're in lust."  He was claiming, "In fact i don't even think they like each other very much."

The book of choice for the group that month had been Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte, which Morgan had found to be a tough read.

"I think you're mistaking lust for passion Declan."  Cat shot back, "What Heathcliff and Cathy have is enduring, raw devotion."

"What do you think Morgan?"  Declan asked.

"I think i have to side with you on this one Declan."  She replied, "Whatever Heathcliff and Cathy had between them it's not love, at least not how i think love would be."  She found herself blushing slightly at her lack of experience in that department.

"And how do you suppose real love is Morgan?"  Liz asked, surprising the whole group by joining them.

Morgan did a double take at Liz's loaded question and answered, "Well for a start i don't think if you love somebody that you marry someone else, how could Cathy marry Edgar if she loved Heathcliff so much?"

"She wanted Heathcliff, but their love was forbidden so she settled for Edgar."  Liz explained.  "And yes they were passionate that's why they became lovers."

"Well i think Cathy was selfish and reckless, she slept with Heathcliff then married Edgar.  I don't think she knew what she wanted, i guess she was too young to know."  Morgan retorted, hoping Liz had got her thinly veiled message.

"Excellent point Morgan!"  Declan agreed, "I think we should explore that idea further, i mean how do you know when love is for real?  And can you ever be too young to know?"

"Well maybe when you guys find love outside of the pages of a book you'll understand it better."  Liz retorted snippily.

"Jeez what's up with my sister?"  Cat asked after the groups session was over.  "You two haven't had a fight have you?"

"Not exactly."  Morgan replied, "It just ever since she started seeing Raj she seems to think that she knows so much more about everything."

"I know right!"  Cat laughed, "Like she's had one boyfriend for all of a month and suddenly she's some big love expert!"

"I just hope she's not getting in over her head."  Morgan added, "Things are getting sorta serious between them."

"Really?  You think they're gonna do it?"  Cat asked wrinkling her nose at the thought.

Morgan hesitated, she knew that Liz had told her in confidence about her plans to lose her virginity to Raj but on the other hand she was genuinely concerned about her decision and getting a second opinion on the matter couldn't hurt, could it?  "I'm sure that's what she's planning."  Morgan revealed to Cat whose wide eyed stare told her that she wasn't alone in thinking that Liz was rushing things.

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As Morgan pondered over her homework that evening her mind wandered back to her argument with Liz and to the secret that was not hers to share which she had been so careless with.  She guessed that Cat would talk to Liz about it and Liz would definitely be mad that Morgan had blabbed, but she only had her friends best interests at heart.

At least she had thought she did.  But what if Liz was right?  What if Morgan did need to grow up?  Maybe in her quest preserve her childhood she had shut herself off from normal teenage experiences and what if she was the one missing out, not everyone else as she had always believed?

 Morgan threw down her pen and pushed the chair away from her desk.  She walked over to her bed and crouched down to retrieve the box she had hidden away underneath it.
As she rifled through the shoe box her hand rested on the letter, it was right as she had left it cunningly concealed beneath the ticket stubs from the Diva Doll concert she had dutifully kept as a keepsake.

Pulling out the letter she sat cross legged on the floor and reread it.

Bridgeport Penitentiary Visiting Order

Prisoner R. Colt has requested a scheduled visitation from Morgan Traytor.

As visitor is under the age of 18 a parent or guardian must give express consent. 

Morgan did not know how many visiting orders her father had sent over the years, this was the only one she had ever seen.  She came by it purely by chance when she had stumbled into the mailman in her haste to get to the school bus on time one morning.  The mail he was delivering had flown everywhere and instead of placing the post for the Traytor household in their slot he had shoved it at Morgan.

The instant she saw the letter with it's postal marked as Bridgeport Penitentiary she knew who it was from.  What she didn't know was that this letter was the latest in a long line of mail that her father had sent to her, the previous correspondence having been intercepted by her Mother and promptly thrown in the trash.

Morgan closed her eyes and held back a tear.  She knew her Mom would never allow her to visit her father and she knew why.  She was trying to protect her. 

In all honesty Morgan realised that this whole time she had been trying to protect herself also.  She knew that this was the reason behind her unwillingness to leave her childish ways behind. 

Once she was an adult, 18 years of age, she would have the choice to make for herself without interference from her Mom.  She would have to decide if she wanted to hear what Robson had to say.

And the thought of having to make this decision scared her more than anything else.

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Chapter6.2